Ok, no doubt that blog title has got you wondering a bit.

But that's just how I felt as I hit snooze on my alarm last Sunday morning. Heather had left a few hours earlier and I wasn't on worship team so I slept in a bit. At 10:00am, the alarm sounded and I had planned to jump in the shower,dress and get to church a few minutes before the 10:45 start. But, I hit snooze and 10 minutes later, shut the alarm off altogether. I was gonna' skip church. At around 11:00, I got a text from Heather that said "where are you?"..I said.."slept in"..she writes back "not cool". I had totally forgotten that it was youth Sunday and Christian was going to lead worship with the youth band. I had that "crap, I suck" feeling as soon as I discovered that. Christian has acted like it was ok but I know it was 1,000% uncool to not be there to support him and the kids.

So why did I skip.

I honestly was thinking of checking out of our church altogether. While I love the progress our church has made over the past few years, I had simply had it with the vocal minority who have the non-spiritual gifts of negativity, gossip, backbiting and more. Not really towards me, but towards church leadership. Obviously my wife is our worship leader..but my pastor is also one of my best friends, in or out of church. I tend to take criticisms that they receive personally. Especially when it comes from people who are choosing process and personal agenda over truth.

It's nothing new, especially in a smaller church like ours (around 300), but I had gotten to the point where I thought "my life and my time is just too valuable to have that junk waste anymore of my mental energy."  So mid-day I started thinking about how I could just check out of the club.

Later that night, Heather was still upset with me for missing service and on top of the drama itself created by the vocal minority, it caused some stress between us. We had a nice "intense discussion" IE: Argument that brought out the worst in both of us. After this I was convinced I was on the right track.

Ok, I know this is like a book..stay with me, there's some cool stuff coming.

So Monday and Tuesday I make it through the day ok...encouraging words from my Integrity Music amigo Chris Estes and Michael Stevenson. Then Tuesday night comes and I'm playing with the iPhone and I discovered the Amazon Kindle app. I check it out and decide to try it. I get a few book samples of items that have interested me. In the "readers also bought" suggestions, there was a book called "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore"..I curiously downloaded the sample chapter. Within minutes I was buying it. Let me just say I felt like God fully put that book in my line of sight. It is soooooo super-relevant to what I was going through in my struggle 2 days earlier. I won't turn this into a book review or sales pitch, but I can say that this book has been used by God mightily in my life this week. My anger has turned into sadness for people who are caught up in the process of "doing church" rather than "being the church".

I've wondered how Heather can get up and lead worship with all her heart knowing there are a few faces glaring at her that would love to have her resign or at least "go back to the way things were 20 years ago" when hymnals ruled the music and it required little to no emotional effort.

How could Pastor Steve continue week after week to bring God's word to us in such a passionate (and relevant) way while facing a few crossed arms, cold stares and downright nasty attitudes. I've always joked that: "If Pastor walked on water", the vocal minority would gather together and bicker hatefully: "see, Pastor Steve can't even swim!".....Always just looking for a reason to hate on em.

But I've realized that they love God and His people more than approval of the critics. I greatly admire them for that. All our church staff for that matter. It's definitely a calling because I certainly don't have the "thick skin" to deal with it without wanting to bust a lip or two.

I think all of this stems from people wanting to control the institution called "church". Treating it as an entity like a school board, Kiwanis club, local government, etc. Where sitting on the committee brings a sort of "power" or status that's above the fellow attendee.  This mindset is not only alive, it's actually encouraged it seems.

But the church is not an institution, last I heard (and was reminded this week), the church is the body of Christ. Made up of all believers.

So why would anyone try to turn it into an institution? Simple: So they can run it.

I like how author Wayne Jacobsen puts it regarding churches as institution: "Structures are about gaining power and getting your own way" Those who are growing to know God don't need them." If those who don't need them aren't playing the game, then obviously they aren't a part of the committees. Why? Maybe they are content doing real Kingdom work to be bogged down by meetings and the baggage that goes with the gig.

That's good for God and His kingdom, but leaves the committees open to people who may not really know God that well but have strong opinions on how things should be done. Wouldn't it be cool to attend a church where the deacons are known more for how many people they have led to Christ than for how long they have been going to the church? Wouldn't it be cool to have a group of committed volunteers who treat volunteering in the church vastly different than volunteering at a concession stand?  {example "So what if I said I was going to teach the youth on Friday..I'm going to watch football instead...besides I'm not getting paid".}

What if the church stopped the nonsense of action/reward when it comes to teaching our kids. Giving them a memory verse then rewarding with a star on the chart if they get it right...Playing name that bible character or something and if you get it right, you can have a candybar. On the surface it may seem like "what's wrong with that?" Nothing. If you want to teach kids the same adopted legalistic mindset of "do something good and God will reward you" based on your efforts...you're right on track. God's grace isn't a big deal..it's your works that count. Too bad that the kid who just came to church for the first time and doesn't know the answers feels embarrassed.  Catch my sarcasm? We can learn all the bible facts in the world..but if we don't show them how to use them in a real way, we've just taught them to say the right things. We'll pat ourselves on the back for teaching them the facts...meanwhile they go through the motions of Christianity without ever having to truly experience it. Transformation is always a better goal than merely educating. Religion survives by telling us we need to fall in line or something terrible will happen to us. Grace tells a different story.

Allow me to interject some more wisdom from Wayne Jacobsen: "The Problem with church as we know it is that it has become nothing more than mutual accommodation of self-need. Everybody needs something out of it. Some need to lead. Some need to be led. Some want to teach, others are happy to be in the audience. Rather than become an authentic demonstration of God's life and love in the world, it ends up being a group of people who have to protect their turf. What we're seeing is less of God's life than people's insecurities that cling to those things they think will best serve their needs. So why can people become so vicious when they are threatened? They act like angry dogs when someone's trying to take their bone away...and they do it thinking God is on their side!"

..and after their bitterness dies down, the cycle starts all over again.

With all of this said, I'm not angry with folks who play the religion / church as an institution game. I feel bad for them. I think they mean well but they, like me, have forgotten their first love. Wednesday at about 1 AM, I had a deep connection with my first love. It made everything else look different. Think about it, in Revelation 2:1-7, the church in Ephesus on the surface was doing everything right... good deeds, hard work, resistance to evil men and false teachers, etc..but God said they had forgotten their first love. He said he would remove their lampstand if they did not change.

I believe "religion" gives the appearance of doing everything in God's name without actually knowing God. It's time for all of us to get back to our first love.

So right now I lift up Pastor Steve, The fruits of your ministry are evident. As the pastoral leader of our church, God is using you. New people are coming and lives are being changed. People who had given up on church are coming back and being transformed. You make some uncomfortable because you choose the living God over well-meaning but destructive church process. As a leader of your family, You have a wife who is kingdom focused. Sassy lady- but she gets it. haha!  A noteworthy bit of major evidence of your leadership and family stewardship is that your children have an active relationship with Christ. So many "leaders" children have checked out and not looked back.  May you never let the arrows of the self-serving/self-righteous cause you pain. We all answer to God in the end.

I lift up my wife, Heather, who leads our congregation in music every week with the sole agenda of leading them to the cross. Who temporarily puts me in the doghouse every time I mention that the average salary for her current position is $43,000 and that we should move to Mobile,AL where I can work in the office at Integrity while she leads at COTES. Thank you for not bowing to pressure to become less relevant to make a handful of people comfortable...think of all those who have been drawn into the church BECAUSE of the music and are growing in Christ now. Thank you for starting Kid's Praise and allowing Children to experience the love of Jesus through living and fellowship rather than being told the rules.

I lift up everyone who truly recognizes that church isn't an activity or a meeting...but a life in Christ with fellow believers.

I lift up those who need more God and less religion. Who need transformation of the heart more than a pat on the back from the good lord.

I lift up the bride of Christ. His Church. You and me included.

I thank God for the struggle I had just a few days ago and how he showed up and blew my mind! Thank you Jesus. May I run to you and value Your truth over the process of religion.

I have so much more to say but I feel I should stop now....The story is still being written....

jamie

Recommended reading:

• So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore - Amazon.com
• Pagan Christianity?: Exploring the Roots of Our Church Practices   - Especially if you've ever wondered why people dress up for church. Surprising origins.

¶ 5/22/2009