One definition of happiness is wanting the things you're likely to get (or, conversely, not wanting the unattainable).

That quote is from Seth Godin's blog found here.

When I read that tonight, I was looking at myself and thinking "no wonder I never feel content". I've always burned for "something more" in 98% of the areas in my life. I've looked at folks who I may deem to have a "simple existence" with jealousy... For what seems to be better called their "blissful existence".

My dreams and goals drive me. They have since I was a teenager. That's when I decided that my life needed to be better than the path layed out before me. To my delight, God allowed me to sample some of my heart's desires early on. When I was 20, I made a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish. On that list, every single one of them happened. Some came quickly, some took a decade, but they all showed up. I've always been goal driven.

My dreams and goals are more impossible & unrealistic than ever right now. I burn to accomplish them. That burning is not comfortable...at all. Torture at times actually.

But what is the choice?  I'd love to be comfortable.I'd love to want what I know I'll get...but evidently, I'm just not wired that way. I dream big. I want the unattainable. I can't let go.

I've done my best to find a balance..but often I'm all too aware that it hasn't worked out so well.

Do you relate?

Always wearing my heart on my sleeve,

jamie

¶ 9/19/2009 2 Comments